


Never let me down again

by Black_Celebration



Category: Depeche Mode
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 06:09:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21731359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Celebration/pseuds/Black_Celebration
Summary: Strangers. Bandmates. Best friends... Or something more? When did they cross the border? Their relation was hard from the beginning, but they couldn't realize that everything will turn out to be completely disaster. What they will to saceifice to protect each other?
Relationships: Alan Wilder x Dave Gahan, Dalan - Relationship
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

_If I could turn the page  
In time then I'd rearrange  
Just a day or two_

_But I couldn't find a way  
So I'll settle for one day  
To believe in you_

_[ Fleetwood Mac - Little Lies ]_

Alan was preoccupied with mixing new material for incoming single. He came to the studio after breakfast, and then he worked non-stop without any break except for lunch. During the day, Gareth and Daniel came by for a moment, but even together they couldn't achieve the results they wanted. Alan was glad at heart they eventually left him alone, but of course he appreciated their help. But not today. After so many hours of drudging over the console, he was exhausted but also happy. Then he heard knocking to the doors. Alan turned towards it.

"How are ya, eager beaver?" Dave greeted him with a wink.

Alan snorted and rolled his eyes but smiled at him.

"I missed you here"  
"I knew it and that's why I came. I tried to call you but you didn't pick up the phone. There were to options: you're dead or you're working in the studio"

"Well... Maybe the day after tomorrow everything will be ready" Alan scratched his head.

Dave's eyes flashed with curiosity.

"Can I listen?" he asked shyly. Alan hesitated.

"Ya know that I don't like to show unfinished work to anyone... Everytime I do it, a dark force doesn't let me finish it"

Dave nodded with understanding but saddened at the same time.

"When I finish it, you'll be the first to listen, okay?" Alan offered gently.

"Of course!" Smile brightened Dave's face again. "Oh, I almost forgot!"  
He reached into the bag he had brought with him. Alan hadn't noticed it before.

"I thought if you were sitting here since morning, you probably are hungry. I was in Chinese bar today, so I took something for you" he handed him a box that was still warm. When the smell of food spread through the studio, Alan's belly reminded about itself with a loud grunt.

"I see I got it right," Dave grinned. Alan blushed slightly.

"Thanks, Dave. I'm really pleased that you thought about me."

The boy waved a hand.

"That's what friends are for."

When Alan started to eat, Dave was hanging around the studio, muttering to himself. Alan sensed something was up.

"What's biting you?" He asked, scooping the stuffing that had spilled out with his fork.

"Me? Oh nothing."

"I can see that you can't sit on your butt."

"Hmm ... Well, that's one such thing."

Dave fell silent.

"Tell me what you mean, I don't read your mind," Alan urged him.

"W-would you fancy going out with me?"

"Dave, you know perfectly well that I feel bad about working with a hangover."

"I don't mean club and drinking. If I wanted to, I'd take Martin. Somewhere else, in the bosom of nature. Spontaneously. You don't have to drink, although I have adequate supplies, as if you changed your mind."

Alan smiled warmly. Typical Dave. Again, he got a crazy idea and is looking for a companion to implement his plan.

"If it's safe and legal, why not? I can't work any more today, and I don't want to go home."

They left into a warm, dense London twilight. Summer settled in the city for good, although as it is in England, it was rather wet than hot. Alan stopped on the pavement for a moment, closing his eyes and breathing deeply.

"I don't like London. It's so crowded and dirty. If it wasn't for moments like this, I wouldn't have settled up here for a long time."

Dave looked at him and smiled sadly.

"You know, you have to come to Bas with me sometime. At least in London there are plenty of lovely places where you can hide. There is ... Like a workers concrete desert, with no history or aesthetic idea" he murmured.

Alan sighed.

"We'd better go."

Dave nodded and they started walking. Alan didn't know where his friend was leading him. It soon turned out that it was in a completely unknown area.

"I hope that 'the bosom of nature ' doesn't mean breaking into someone's garden?" He asked.

"No, not at all" Dave smirked suddenly. "Although maybe we should try sometime."

Finally, Dave stopped in a small clearing surrounded by rare, though centuries-old trees. It didn't appear that it was someone's private area, rather a lonely piece of greenery that survived when the area was built up. Alan looked around as Dave sat on the blanket.

"I haven't been to such an alcoholic picnic yet" Alan laughed, joining his friend.

"There always comes the first time."

The evening was beautiful. The air, steeped in the scent of flowers, fog, and the dying day, pleasantly wrapped them up. The first stars showed up in the sky. Somewhere nearby, the birds' and crickets' sounds reached their ears.

Dave drank quickly from the bottle, which worried Alan, but said nothing loudly. He also drank a little, but the wine was slowly beginning to make him feel more relaxed. Dave sank onto the blanket, placing his hand under his head.

"Don't lie down or you will fall asleep," Alan said, smiling slightly.

"That's the best way to look at the stars. Try it yourself."

Soon they both lay stretched out on a blanket. Dave's hand was close to Alan's. He felt it warmth on his skin. Subconsciously, he wanted to catch and stroke it, but he suppressed that desire. No, that would be inappropriate.

"You like it here?" Dave whispered, as if he was afraid to interrupt a concert of nature.

"Very much," Alan replied.

"I thought you may think it's strange ... You know, we usually go to some clubs, there are a lot of people, music. Completely different."

"Who said that I like such a thriving lifestyle?"

Dave laughed softly.

"If you go there, you probably like it."

"Not really," Alan began slowly, trying to put his thoughts into words. "I don't like sitting alone, except what else would I do? Sometimes I just need to reset. However, meetings in a more intimate atmosphere are fine. I don't like crowds and sometimes I just want to relax outside the home.

"I understand."

Dave fell silent. He breathed out a few times loudly, staring at the stars shimmering above them.

"I'm glad I met you and we're buddies. I don't know anyone like you."

"You meant 'such a sarcastic jerk'?"Alan joked.

"That's probably too" his lips formed a slight smile, which quickly disappeared."I meant you were so... Honest. There is no delusion, no pose and no courtesy. It's rare these days."

"Maybe you're just turning around in bad company. Show business attracts a rather specific type of people."

Dave frowned again. Alan was eager to know the reason for his melancholy, but he didn't want to push him. Alcohol was only to help you forget about deeply afraid of fears. Instead, it seemed to drag them to the surface.

"People hate me" Dave whispered. He clenched his eyelids tightly, trying to stop the coming stream of tears.

"Stop it. You are the soul of the party. Everyone wants to be in the splendor of the great David Gahan."

"Is this how it looks from the outside? From my perspective it is completely different..."

Alan turned to Dave friend and rested his head on his hand. In the dim moonlight, Dave's face seemed even more innocent. When he looked at him with wet eyes, from which a trickle of tears immediately flowed, something hurt in his heart.

"I've never had a heartfelt friend. Eh, maybe once, at school ... But in the end he couldn't stand my stupid behavior. He had a good heart and wanted to stay away from all the shit of this world. I've always been on this dark side. There are no friends there. There is only pleasure and even more suffering."

He paused for a moment to take a deep breath and calm the trembling voice a little.

"I wanted to be accepted. Have a group of friends. People I could count on. But what would I give them in return? I'm still getting into some swamp."

"With these ... Arsons ... Is it true?" Alan asked cautiously.

"Yes. With juvenile court too. I even had a curator" a faint smile crossed his face. "Would you like to have someone like me as a friend?

"Listen, Dave ... It all looks like teenage antics. I don't approve them, but I can understand what guided you. I know you are different now. You're grown up."

"Do you really think I look like an adult?"

"Not in every sense, but you're definitely different. You are no longer that stupid kid looking for attention. And now somebody loves you."

Dave looked at him piercingly. Starlight reflected in his eyes. Alan felt unexpectedly starting to blush, which was fortunately not visible at night. Dave looked... delightful. If he wasn't a Depeche Mode frontman, he would definitely become a model sooner or later.

"Who's that?" He asked.

"Joanne" Alan replied. For a moment, a completely different answer flickered in his head. I love you too, you poor idiot.

"Ah, yes ... She is very sweet. Maybe she loves me, it's definitely like that ... But we don't fully understand each other. Sometimes, when we argue, it seems that everything hangs in the balance and parting is only a matter of time."

"Maybe you just think so. Love is not easy. If it were otherwise, there would not be so many songs about it."

Dave sighed. Alan's hand was already starting to refuse to obey, so he fell on his back and began to massage it. At that time, Dave moved closer to him. He could smell his leather jacket, shaving foam, perfume. He enlisted deeply. Everything smelled so great. He could cuddle into his warm body and fall asleep like that.

"Dave?" He heard Alan's voice and opened his eyes.

"Yes?"

"Let's go home now. Until we are completely drunk."

"Hmm ... Jeri might think you're cheating on her. After all, such night escapades are not like you."

"Yeah, I'll come and say that I preferred to spend this night with you."

They didn't laugh, though Alan thought the joke would to relieve the tension.

"I don't want to come back."

"I don't either, but it's getting cold and I think it's going to rain. I don't want you to get sick."

Dave got up and stretched.

"Will you walk me home?"

Alan nodded calmly. Dave liked the idea of walking in the starlight very much. Then he'll come back home, try not to react to Joanne's grumpiness and fall into a blissful sleep, dazed by alcohol. That was all he wanted today. Sleep and dream beautiful dreams about a better life...


	2. Thing that keeps me warm inside

_It doesn't matter  
If all this shatters  
Nothing lasts forever  
But I'm praying  
That we're staying  
Together_

_[ It doesn't Matter ]_

Love in their case didn’t appear suddenly. It also didn’t spring from friendship. Love was like a question, floating in the air, someone was brave enough to ask. 

Alan remembered their first meeting with all the details. Also the muddle of feelings in his head. He got used to auditions, eccentric behaviours, and being treated like a object. He had a stage-fright anyway. Before he got there, he smoked ten cigarettes and turned in the wrong street. Martin seemed to understand his stress, he was smiling warmly (which unbelievably encouraged him), Andy was not particularly interested in him, but Dave ... Dave looked at him so probingly that he immediately felt that this boy would change his life.

He wondered what his friend felt for him. Because he felt something... Amazing. Something that couldn’t be put in simple words. At least he couldn't make a meaningful definition.  
As soon as the singer appeared on the horizon, he couldn't help smiling. He always made him feel better, even when the whole world suddenly collapsed and burned. He laughed at his bad jokes, not because he suddenly broke his sublime sense of humor, but because it was flowing from Dave's mouth. He was surprised by this fact. His voice was the nicest he knew. Even when talking on the phone, when the boy lowered his voice, Alan had shivers. When he felt the warmth of his body, suddenly something deep in his soul was on fire and nothing could stop this fire… 

Or maybe he just didn't want to?

He was fine with all this. He was filled with true happiness, and this rarely happened to him. He fell in love as if he were seventeen again. It's just that this time there were no shy approaches, buying roses (and rubbers) and the first attempts to explore a foreign body. Looking back, he was once driven by a puppy's fascination, not lofty feelings. This time he was not so intimidated by this relationship and more than curiosity (after all, he wouldn’t have thought that maybe he will be feeling something for another guy), he was driven by a desire to understand. He wanted to give his altruistic love in large quantities until Dave had enough…

Well, there was Jeri who seemed to suspect something, but her attachment told her to remain silent. Their relationship was completely different, what they had was somewhere else. Jeri was beautiful, had a great sense of humor and was very protective of him. He liked the evenings when he could just lie in bed with her, stroking her hair and make some nonsense conversations in a whisper. He didn't mind that she already had a son and he wouldn't be her first husband. (The Wilder family think different when they found out that he was dating over ten years older woman with a child, and his mother almost got a heart attack.) They got along well, spent time together, and were their best friends. However, he could not compare it to the love he discovered for Dave.

Maybe he was thrilled by something new and forbidden? That their feelings are fragile and probably won't last? He wanted this pain and the whole ocean of kisses, which Dave covered his whole body ... It was only with him that he discovered that he loves to be kissed on the neck.

He smiled to himself. He found himself sitting in front of the synthesizer again and talking to himself in his mind.


End file.
